The 'Perfect' Mother
It’s that time of the year again. You know, when you suddenly remember your mother and promise to cherish her, take pictures with her and post it with cheesy captions on social media for the course of the next 24 hours? And then you wake up the next day and forget all of that? Yeah, you got that right, it’s Mother’s Day!
Ah, Mother’s Day. A day when the PR and Marketing experts roll out the cliched ‘my-mom-is-a-superhero’ stuff. Which brings us to the issue here: the idea that moms are supposed to be incapable of flaws.
I’m not going to say that my mom is perfect. She definitely isn’t. My mom doesn’t cook whatever I demand. She doesn’t have godly patience - she snaps at me often. She fails to keep the house clean 24/7. She doesn’t exert herself to make a buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner on an average day.
And I’m okay with it.
Why? Well, my mother is certainly an extraordinary human in my eyes. Pushing a baby into the world is hard, and taking care of it is even harder. And juggling work with it? That’s another level of difficult.
Granted, there are times when we both argue. There are times when I vow never to talk to her again (which doesn’t last long). But at the end of the day, we are still mother and daughter. I am still her flesh and blood. And despite the rough patches,I couldn’t be more grateful to have her as my mom. Sure, I didn’t have my favourite dish cooked today. Maybe I’ll get it on the weekend, then.
My mother encourages me to do things I’ve never done before. She takes the time to sit with me and advise me on whatever I’m going through, even though she might be going through worse. She's my biggest critic, while being my biggest supporter at the same time. She is my anchor in the darkest times, reminding me that there is nobody else like me in this world. My mother even dared to go against the stereotypes of a 'mark-hungry' parent, assuring me that whatever rank I earned was fine, as long as I was a good human. She taught me to balance kindness, dignity and integrity with honesty and sheer fearlessness. If I have to describe her using my generation's language, I'd call her a Queen. The reason I don't care much about other's opinions is because I heard what people called my mother; she heard it too, but she didn't give a single hoot, moving on with a laugh. She isn't your stereotypical soap-opera wife or mother. She isn't afraid of stating her opinion, no matter who is in front of her, and I can state with utmost conviction that my confidence and boldness come from her.
To others, she may come off as unconventional and harsh, but for me, she is an amazing human. She worries about me, cares for me and loves me, expressing her love in a million little ways. Yes, I don't get everything I want. But I have everything I need, and I’m so, so thankful. I fall short of words to describe the 16 years I have been with her - no, grown with her.
Mothers everywhere are doing the best job they can right now, to provide the best life for their kids. But we often forget they are human too. Though their love has no limits, their patience does. Working or not, mothers pile on the pressure, always trying so very hard to be the ‘perfect’ person and achieve that ‘perfect’ balance between their duties as a family member and their duties as a mother.
Well, here’s a message from us kids:
We don’t want a ‘perfect’ mother, who stresses and burns herself out to show that she cares for us. That isn’t how it works. We love you, from the bottom of our hearts, and we’d do anything to make you proud. Our happiness usually stems from yours. It’s okay if you decide not to make that sweet today. It’s okay if you want to spend some time alone with yourself. It’s not a problem to not clean the house for a few days because you were so caught up in your job. It's alright to wake up late. It isn’t a crime to indulge yourself in guilty pleasures, so stop feeling guilty! It’s alright if you can’t do everything at once. It’s okay to be human.
So, on this Mother’s Day, I’d like to stop the notion that mothers are ‘perfect' - the notion that is viewed by members of society. But they are extraordinary to us, their children. They are our first role models, our first friend, our first everything. And we promise you, your love doesn’t have to be perfect, just healthy and genuine. We don’t care about the scolding and the shouting. There is no need to pressurise yourself to fit someone else’s standards of ‘mother = perfection’. You are human, just like us, but it’s your love and affection that makes you a goddess. And like goddesses, you grace us with your presence everyday.
Hey, dear mommies.
Happy Mother’s day <3